Nothing really matters/
Anyone can see/
Nothing really matters/
Nothing really matters to me...


Had this moment of epiphany last week, after feeling frustrated about work and life's niggly issues. Was caught up in the moment of multiple petty annoyances and left the house to attend a networking meeting with a midwife in the area.

Drove away from the house and had a calm settle upon me. It became so clear that all of this --job frustration, the asinine government, the daily grind -- really doesn't matter. Too often we are (I am) so caught up in the pain of it and it, whatever it is, goes away, changes, moves along it's merry way, whether I buy into it or not.

Web sites go away or they stay. Most of the work I have done in my web career has gone the way of the dodo. Nothing I do or say really matters -- what freedom!

Far from being an attitude of apathy, this just made so much sense in being freed from so much angst. I am conscious that it is all about impermanence, a deep principle of Buddhism, but to feel this on a viceral level, and to feel the joy in it, was new to me.

It was like feeling waves of life folding over me, and receding, without being bashed around or concerned about drowning.

Of course, epiphanies come and go, and even they play into the impermanence of it all. Do I feel so grounded today? Not necessarily. But I experienced that moment once, and it becomes a touchstone for me; smooth and round and flat and solid in my core.