Returned from Strawberry Music Festival renewed...gawd, all that feeds me comes from the forest and giant trees. So funny, to be so certain of that. It is the same when I am on Mt. Tam -- I do not know where the trees end and I begin.

My friend William im'd me and asked me how the visit home was. Of course, knowing me as he does, he nailed it. Nor Cal is home, and that spreads out to Yosemite and places, I'm sure, that I haven't been while awake or in this body. It's such a primal belonging, such a cellular (ahem, and not as in Cingular) memory. This is where I come from, is this is where I'll become ash.

Time camping in the woods stirred up old longings, old wishings, old connections. Parts of me that were once alive, and now are stored in neat eucalyptus and lavender-lined boxes -- waiting for another part of this life to happen and grow, or for death, and another time to reach fruition -- were shaken and poked, mostly rising up in intense dreamscapes. Early morning was the time to sort through, like a miner and his screen, picking thru rocks to find gold.

Time in the trees made me more emotional, more in touch. I hadn't realized how much I've dulled, in these suburbs, just as a survival mechanism. It became clear again, how much I'm covered in dust in Ventura. But, Ventura has it's purpose, I am convinced, despite the layers of gunk I gather there.

What to do? Watch it...see what comes from it all, I guess.

On practical notes, I've landed a good freelance gig with MSN. Nice chunk of change for some freelance writing in the fitness/health channel. Done stuff for them before, will be nice to put on the "will work for money" writer hat again. Or, at least I tell myself that. Typically, I am insane when writing for money. It's a sign, isnt' it? Of something...

Had a good networking meeting with a midwife in a large OB practice here in Camarillo today. She was helpful, nice, open...and confirmed too much of my negative impression of here. Many moms here are first-timers at age 20-23. Second timers, two years later. !!! Not well-educated. *Sigh*

So frustrating.

Have to keep my mind open, concentrate on the opportunities, not the present community.

And, there's always web work. %o/