i gotsta new lease on life, it seems. perhaps mercury retrograde going the way of the do-do last friday brought some relief back into this life, or perhaps the demons have just become bored having their way with me.

fact is: i'm feeling some sneaky joy happening the last few days. and that, my friend, is good, oh-so good.

yesterday, i did some grillin' on the bbq for lunch -- because i could. there is some beauty to working a shitty part-time job, i am finding, besides the mone. spice-rubbed mahi-mahi with grilled toms on arugula and avo is not a bad way to take a break while everyone else is stuck in a cube.

so i sat there, surveying my garden -- my haven and solace and peace -- and was just infused with contentment. i listened to and watched the multitude of birds who call our yard their home and felt such pride in the fact they party here. hummingbirds fighting and mating and zooming. doves cooing. crows pondering their next gig. mockingbirds confusing the lot. and i'll be damned if there ain't a spectacular western tanager out there preening and taking in tucker. i felt like a marvelous host, to both flora and fauna.

the veggie & herb garden is in; a result of about 10 hours hard labor last weekend. nothing like breaking up ancient clay and mixing in good compost for a bit of a workout. since we have few organic places to buy stuff here, being in the heartland and having to deal with HUGE amts of pesticides from the local farmers, i decided to grow my own. fingers crossed that they take.

in no particular order, we have: lebanese eggplant, three types of tomatoes, zucchini, soy beans, black eyed peas, two thai peppers, one chile pepper, a purple bell pepper, green bell pepper, several sages, basil (thai & sweet), st. john's wort, dill, chives, cilantro, stevia, shallots, red onions, chamomile, taragon, thyme, lemon balm, bee balm, savory.

still to be planted? collard greens, carrots, snap peas, radishes, arugula and some lettuce. and god forfend i should make another trip to mecca -- green thumb nursery.

i think that's *all*.

for me, there is *nothing* more healing than a garden, nothing that can transport me into that good, grounded (no pun intended; ar, ar) part of myself quicker. the sun, the dirt, the digging, the coaxing of the plants -- nurture in the highest sense happens both ways.

so this is the soothing in this suburb. this is my retreat, and it is available 24/7. what could get better than that? this plot of land has broken down my resistance to my existence here, and gently pulls me, "see, it's not so bad. you have me." and once i commune with her for awhile, i am softened.

i can be here.