Look up, and there are hummingbirds everywhere above you.
Look down, and there is a smiling dog and millions of other creatures below you.
Look out, and people are busy all around you.
Close your eyes, and you have only your thoughts.

Why close your eyes?

Not to get all Lao Tzu on you, but this is what occurred to me this morning.

Was...comforting in it's simplicity.

Other things:

1. Was hired as a consultant for a mama and her baby. Baby's having some issues at 4 months (been issues since birth) and now mom's seeking hellllp! Yay. Working as a consultant doula. Hope I can help her.



2. Going to Strawberry Music Festival in Yosemite over Memorial Day weekend. w000t! Cannot wait to camp and listen to tuneage. Going with my cousin Mike, his wife Ada, and critter Izzy. Happy to have this as a tradition with them.



3. Foodstuffs in the garden are *thriving*, and this weekend I just may have time enough to start phase two: greens n' beans. Okra and snap peas are emerging in their starter pots. Oh boy!



4. Roses seem to be aphid-free. This sustainable shit seems to really work. *wink*



5. I'm even beginning to enjoy (gasp! say it ain't so!) my part-time Web gig a bit. Thank gawd.

Feels good to have me back in my body again. Winter's over for now, spring's here with a vengeance.

Thinking much about principles of non-harming today. Non-harming to self, yes, but also to little creatures. This comes up as I continue to create my haven outside in the garden. I don't use pesticides, am all about organic methods of pest management, organic fertilizer, composting *and* I've even begun a little worm farm. Nature's gold, baby.

BUT...we got the snails n' slugs. What's an earth mama to do? Let these critters eat everything up, or save the plants? Gawd, such a dilemma. Thus far, I've put out beer (they love the smell, dive in, drink up and go to meet their maker.) to some little success. I also have begun to use Sluggo (tm) a relatively non-toxic little pellet that will not harm any other creatures besides the slimey ones I'm combatting. Basically turns them to fertilizer.

*Sigh* This has been successful.

The irony is so not lost on my as I'm scattering Sluggo pellets around the lovely statue and plants in my Buddha garden. I've discussed this (age-old) philosophical crossroads with my friend Stephen, and of course, he sent me on a Google chase for more info. How do those more enlightened folks deal with pesky pests?

Thank goodness for the web:

Khandro.net has certain wisdom to offer.

Venerable Thubten Chodron has audio you can absorb.

Google Answers gets down and boogies with ahimsa.

The references and answers go on and on, but it can make yer haid hurt.

Long and short of it is: it depends on what you believe and how you believe it. You're dealing with your own karma here, and other creatures' lives. Many ways to go about it, and many ways to make your peace with it.

As with anything, what is "right" is all a perspective.

Any other options you might have, comment away!

Two Trees. Wrapped in fog.
Breathing in, out. Mist story.
June gloom has returned.

Yep, we are fog enshrouded. It seems the brilliant mornings and days we've been enjoying are on hold until July. No matter, it is a nice breather and is an underscore for me that I live so near to the beach. Need to take advantage of that more...

Reading about the concept of "hopelessness" in Pema Chodran's book (slowly drinking this book in.). Made so much sense to me--the letting go of striving for other than this moment. Is a really interesting way to term it, however. Hopelessness. Will provide some more grist for the ol' millbrain this week as I dive in and see how it applies to my attachments, and how I play out life.

Feeling a bit more focused after last week's scatter-fest. Actually feeling like working--what an odd notion!

Had a doula training last Thursday, "Advanced Labor Doula," to be exact. Was wonderful to be with a tribe of women that are so nurturing and enthusiastic. Got my motor running again. Also, was hired on Saturday by my first postpartum client here. W00t! Will need to drive 32 miles to the gig--but I'm still looking forward to it. To be a working doula again...ahhhh.

Well, mustn't dally. Time to work!

Interesting morning here. While walking the dog, I noticed the quality of the air brushing past me. It was...tender. I don't know how else to describe it. It was slightly cool, moist and almost nurturing in its feel. There was a kindness in the breeze, a softness and an embracing. Was nothing but good.

Also, came up with a little homage to one of my favorite parts of Ventura -- Two Trees. They are on the hillside near my home, one of the highest points, and I love watching them, lone partners on the grassy hill. They were part of a navigational point for sailors in the olden days, or something like that. I don't know their full story. I really wish I did.

So, to begin what will prolly be some series, my haiku (or is it senryu?) to my buds. Ar, ar.

Two Trees. Ancient boughs.
Please tell me your history.
California oaks.

Not brill, but heartfelt! They definitely have their own moods, and I'm going to track them.

So the other thing that I noticed this morning was me. (How very navel-gazing, really) I really saw myself, I guess for the first time, in god, yonks. I felt hot. As in, "w00t! hawt!"

Heh. I liked what I saw--the curve of my hips, the narrowness of my waist, the softness of my belly, the wisp of heft in my chest. Objectively, it was pretty damn nice female form to gaze upon. I cannot remember feeling so good about the 'ol soul container in...ever.

I'm so hawt, I might just have to go take care of myself later! LOL.

So, in celebration, I'm wearing a belly-baring tee today--one I love that I've had since I lived in Columbus and worked at CompuSlave. It's got a superhero chick on it: wild red hair, sassy turquoise and grey short jumpsuit and kneehigh grey go-go boots with turquoise stripes. Oh yeah, baby. Her name? Galaxy Girl. Uh-huh. That's what I'm sayin'.

The dog and cat approve.

Not much to report here, other than the overwhelming time suck I've allowed myself playing with this here new stuff on our dear host.

The honey is out of town. I had a girlfriend over for drinks tonight.

You heard right -- a friend!

Nancy is her name, and she's quite lovely in many ways. I'm enjoying getting to know her. She, too, is less than pleased with our environment, and is feeling suffocated. It is good to vent and try to come up with solutions together.

This makes two friends here. Evolving, chatting, exploring each other's lives and natures.

I was resentful about meeting Nancy at first, because my man kept suggesting what I derisively call "play dates." I am not so good with being set up with a friend. "You'd like her," he'd assure me. I'm thinking, "Ahem, I'm old enough to find my *own friends, and if I don't find anybody I connect with, then I'm certainly woman enough to be in my own company."

Not big on the concept of play dates.

But, I acquiesced to a couples dinner, and indeed, she's a cool chica. The boys are so proud of themselves, "See, she *is* cool," they've individually bragged to each of us wimmen; so happy to do something that will make us not so miserable here.

Instinctively, they know they cannot be or provide everything we need. It's now been proven by those smartie scientists. I love that. You can't expect everything from your partner, you gotta have yer wimmens. (And your gay or exceedingly sensitive boy friends.) At least that's the conclusion I came to in the last 10 years.

So nice to be right. *smirk*

i gotsta new lease on life, it seems. perhaps mercury retrograde going the way of the do-do last friday brought some relief back into this life, or perhaps the demons have just become bored having their way with me.

fact is: i'm feeling some sneaky joy happening the last few days. and that, my friend, is good, oh-so good.

yesterday, i did some grillin' on the bbq for lunch -- because i could. there is some beauty to working a shitty part-time job, i am finding, besides the mone. spice-rubbed mahi-mahi with grilled toms on arugula and avo is not a bad way to take a break while everyone else is stuck in a cube.

so i sat there, surveying my garden -- my haven and solace and peace -- and was just infused with contentment. i listened to and watched the multitude of birds who call our yard their home and felt such pride in the fact they party here. hummingbirds fighting and mating and zooming. doves cooing. crows pondering their next gig. mockingbirds confusing the lot. and i'll be damned if there ain't a spectacular western tanager out there preening and taking in tucker. i felt like a marvelous host, to both flora and fauna.

the veggie & herb garden is in; a result of about 10 hours hard labor last weekend. nothing like breaking up ancient clay and mixing in good compost for a bit of a workout. since we have few organic places to buy stuff here, being in the heartland and having to deal with HUGE amts of pesticides from the local farmers, i decided to grow my own. fingers crossed that they take.

in no particular order, we have: lebanese eggplant, three types of tomatoes, zucchini, soy beans, black eyed peas, two thai peppers, one chile pepper, a purple bell pepper, green bell pepper, several sages, basil (thai & sweet), st. john's wort, dill, chives, cilantro, stevia, shallots, red onions, chamomile, taragon, thyme, lemon balm, bee balm, savory.

still to be planted? collard greens, carrots, snap peas, radishes, arugula and some lettuce. and god forfend i should make another trip to mecca -- green thumb nursery.

i think that's *all*.

for me, there is *nothing* more healing than a garden, nothing that can transport me into that good, grounded (no pun intended; ar, ar) part of myself quicker. the sun, the dirt, the digging, the coaxing of the plants -- nurture in the highest sense happens both ways.

so this is the soothing in this suburb. this is my retreat, and it is available 24/7. what could get better than that? this plot of land has broken down my resistance to my existence here, and gently pulls me, "see, it's not so bad. you have me." and once i commune with her for awhile, i am softened.

i can be here.