Rollercoastery emotions today -- couldn't get organized before 2 p.m., didn't know what would make me happy, was bored, blah complain blah.

Got out of the house and went downtown and ended up having a fine ol' time. Discovered a place nearby to go hiking! Yay!

Came home by 5, took N to said hiking spot (Arroyo Verde park) and discovered that it was even cooler than anticipated! Even had touches of Marin-like feel to it. Was an excellent workout--straight up the hillsides--and wildflowers were abounding in yellows and purples. Really, really great.

Did mostly a power-hike, was getting cold. Made it back to the car in a half-hour or so, came home, relaxed a bit and made a kick-ass dinner of scallops, shrimp, broccoli, red bell peppers, spicy asian noodles and a peanutty sauce. Nothing went right with the meal, was a crazy mess and annoying to boot.

Began looping spiral again during cooking. Bleh, Bleh, Bleh.

Tried chatting with the man tonight, but he's not helping much -- can be very short because of having no days off work this week and lots of schtuff going on. And I'm not helping much because he's just annoying to me right now; prolly not his fault.

Thinking that sleep might do the trick -- since I'm sick of visiting my head at this point, and not much else is distracting enough.

Out, brain, out!

COLD SORE! Bleh! I haven't had a cold sore in...two years? A year and a half to be sure.

And I am completely to blame, because my memory is so faulty, that I do this to myself, not remembering how it happens.

You see, my body is a wimp. If I stay up late (yeah, like midnight) more than say, two nights in a week, my immune system tanks.

I am a go to bed at 10-11 p.m. get up at 6:30-7;30 kind o' girl. I don't really sleep well past this time, and less than 8 hours of sleep is rather disagreeable, says the ol' bod.

I forgot. I broke the rules.

Now I pay.

Bleh.

I walk into the bathroom and turn on the faucet in the sink. The Cat, Cleo, runs in, leaps from the closed toilet lid to the sink and shoves her head under the running water, before I can get my bite guard under it. I wait for the water to get warm, while she is slurping it down, fill the bite guard box with warm water and turn off the faucet.

I get a disgruntled meow for that.

I pull out a strand of dental floss, begin to use it, and Cleo, not to be outdone, reaches for it with both front paws, bats for it, then extend her neck and chomps down on the end, "Nyeow."

There is a rare day that I take a shower alone. She sits on the tubside, either on back haunches, begging, or staring me down until I supply some running water from my fingertips. Multiple times. When I am done, she does the obligatory drinking of H2O from the unused soap dish and then takes her bath while I dry off. This is our routine.

If I leave the room while she is napping, and she wakes up, she calls to me (and calls and calls) and wanders room to room until she finds me.

And the dog, the one known as Zulu?

I was *in the bathroom yesterday, door closed, as it should be in these moments. Zulu out on a walk with N. They came home, and with a great clatter and excitement, the bathroom door BURSTS open, dog all full of vim and vigor. Had to check in. Apparently was a *great* walk.

No, we do not have children. But we play parents on TV.

What a difference, well, three hours or so make.

On the way to my gig in Santa Barbara at 10:30 this morning, the ocean and skyline were two flat panels, creating the perfect 90 degree angle meeting at the horizon. The upper sky was flat, grey metal, which faded into where the horizon met the water as a thick, charcol pencil fresh bruise of a line.

The water was almost translucent, shimmering between pale green and silver -- until about 50 yards from the shore, where it transitioned into a rich, murky brown.

All was still.

On the way home, at 2:00, I looked over at the same expanse and dude! Roiling green waters were slamming into brown, mixing furiously and burbling with whitecaps almost out to aforementioned deep purple line, which by now had now melted forth toward the shore, creating almost a platform out in the distance. The only place that appeared calm was that platform.

As I neared Ventura, winding around the curves of the coast, the rain began in earnest. No spritz to start with, I drove straight into a wet wall of greyness. All surreal imagery in the ocean was obliterated.

Wet. Grey. Everything.

This, while driving through the pouring rain to Lazy Acres grocery store in Santa Barbara this morning.

N: [looking to the right at the last exit of Ventura downtown, and reading a sign on a building] "OH! Patagonia is having a sa-ale."

Me: [glancing over, then sliding eyes back to the road] "Oooh."

beat, two, three ...

N: "EVIL!"

Me: [bursting out laughing] "That was the *exact* word in my head right now!"

both laugh uncontrollably for what seems like forever ...

N: [grinning, pleased] "This marriage thing is working out okay, it looks like."

scene fades with two silly fools ambling up the coastal highway, listening to the whiny, yet amusing tones of David Sedaris doing his schtick on "This American Life."

Good things from yesterday and today:

1. Got a package from my mom with a fabu knit vest in the color of flames. Tssss, hawt!

2. Package included delish candy (recipe to follow) that includes cranberries and almonds, so I don't have to feel bad about the chocolate.

3. Ventura Community College accepted one of my proposals to teach -- Newborn Parenting -- so I'll be teaching one session in June and one in August. TEACHING! whew. I'm back, baby, I'm back. Now I hope someone signs up.

4. Caught two early 20-something guys checking out my action in the grocery store this morning. I gotz it, still, it seems. :D

5. Girlyman "Remember Who I Am" CD. On repeat. 'Nuf said.

6. Found out that caffeine, in small amounts, is actually good for women's systems -- so I am back to having one cuppa green or white tea a day. Yay. Right now, in fact.

Ok, tasty recipe (from Oceanside Trader Joe's):

Ting-a-Ling (I did not name this, oy vey)

3 cups Organic Golden Flax Cereal
1 8 oz. package dried cranberries
1 8 oz. package raw almond slices
1 pound plus (17.6 oz) milk or dark chocolate

Break up the pound plus (tm) chocolate into small squares. Put in a large microwaveable bowl and micro at one-minute intervals, stirring after each minute, until melted. Add the cereal, cranberries and almonds to the chocolate. Stir until all the ingredients are well-coated. Spread out onto a baking sheet and chill for 30 minutes or until firm. Break up into pieces.

Tastes great alone (this, I can verify) or over ice cream or cheesecake.

My honey came home again today after puking. When will it end? Every two weeks, and still no "reason" for it. I went with him tonight to his chiro appt. and the guy is totally pissed at the neurologist who is being a pussy about treating N.

FINALLY, he is ordering a neck MRI, and a comparative brain MRI. We'll get to the bottom of this headache/puking pain combo if pouring little brain probes into his head and squinching them around is the last thing we do!

Er, no. Forget that.

Anyhow, the chiro adjustment helped the headache somewhat for the first time. This is good news. Need to get him off the Vicodin and Fioricet. However, he can't function without it right now. Grrrr. Concerned about the addictive nature of these things...but what the hell can we do.

Will be exploring some alternative therapies at the chiro soon, too.

I went to the cranial sacral woman today, too. Again, much trippiness there, and much release. Is good. Am now exhausted.

Off to take care of N and feed him.

Is so nice to be working as a postpartum doula again. Okay Universe, bring on the clients! I'm happy, I'm fulfilled, this is the path!

Anyhow I've done 3 shifts so far with little Elias Jay and his parents up in Santa Barbara. He was born in the wee hours of Friday morning, and I showed up that afternoon to help clean up the aftermath of a home birth, and to see how everyone was doing. So very, very lovely.

They are wonderful parents and just so open to all the latest in birth and childrearing. As I mentioned, Mary Jackson delivered their baby, and they have also been working with Ray Castellino pre- and post-birth. Imagine having him working with you through your birth. Powerful, to say the least.

Another beauty to this new gig is the drive. The coastal 101 from Ventura to Santa Barbara is one of the most breath-taking vistas around. Huge empty hillsides, impossibly green (this time of year) with beauty lighting in the waning afternoons that make me want to stop every few miles to take photos. It fills me: the flickering silver-green water, stretching out to infinity; grey-purple clouds forming a wall on the horizon; splinters of sun illuminating patches in the hillside so they glow gold and jade. I am swept away each and every time. I love winter in California. It is when we have Nature's gallery opening, and every day, it features a new artist.

I feel blessed to drive through this, to be washed in it. It is a good reminder of the Bigger Scheme of Things.

I'm very excited! My current pending postpartum client, who was due on February 5th, called me this morning to ask some questions about the bloody show she's been having on and off since yesterday and these odd menstrual-type cramps that are happening around her tummy and back. Wheee! We got early labor.

I told her it could be a couple days of this, or she could go tonight. Told her to go to the movies, a nice hike, do the last minute errands so she can feel "ready." They will be setting up the birthing tub today, as they are delivering at home.

Such a cool couple, and I wish them all the ease in the world. They have two fabulous midwives, Mary Shaw and Mary Jackson (who was part of the amazing documentary "What Babies Want."). I am looking forward to meeting them, if given the chance.

So, looks like I'll be working soon, which will be a nice balance to playing house. Am excited!

Have I mentioned my excitement?

East winds are blowing a gale here, bleh. My friend Holly is visiting (stayed the night last night) and N is out of town on business.

Went and saw "Finding Neverland." You should, too.

All the news that is fit to print, right there, right now.