Dear Good News Publishers,

What would Jesus do? Well, I’ll take the bet that he would not carpet-bomb a suburban, Church-goin’ neighborhood wastefully with papyrus.

Living consciously and thoughtfully on this planet (this includes not littering a community who neither needs nor wants to be proselytized to) is part and parcel of taking care of the earth upon which God put us. We are shepherds of this fragile place, and we should not take that lightly.

Please tell your devotees that littering is not a good way to get the “News” out. All it does is tick people off, and waste trees, one of our most valuable resources.

Thank you,

Annoyed in Ventura, CA

This is the letter I wrote at 7:15 am, and to which I attached a fuschia-colored flyer that I had found in my driveway while embarking upon my morning walk with the dog. The damn flyers were *everywhere* in the neighborhood, and made my blood boil. I mean, it's bad enough that I'm now living in a place that the good Mormon boys approach me in the front garden on weekends, but do these groups really think it's appropriate to fling propaganda to and fro in everyone's yards?

Jesu Christo on a bike!

It sure felt good to write the letter, lick the envelope and stick on the stamp, tho'. Sure glad the flyer had an address on it. And d'ya like all the subliminal (or not) Jesus-language I used? I wasn't raised Catholic without being imbued with a healthy sense of how to instill guilt in our fellow man.

Well. That got rid of my piss and vinegar for the day.

Move along, move along.